I found this piece that I wrote last summer, while trying to find peace....feeling that what I doing musically was not worthy of shit, but having some real kindness shown to me by some very talented people on one hand and on the other, being looked up to by some other folks as their inspiration to make music. So this is what I wrote....
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It is good to 'know my place'- to recognize those before me in honor and help along those behind me in joy. It is a journey we are all on, us musicians.... and where we meet and mingle and create, we call out the magic together.
Together, and each in our place. There is honor and no shame in every station on the road. This is the miracle of creating music.
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I had a hard time at the open mic this past week. I couldn't find the connection to the music or to the audience or to myself. It wasn't coming together at home, either, before I left. Just couldn't connect. So, I stopped playing and got down. Couldn't remember chords or words to songs I can play in my sleep...what is UP with that??? How can the fear just take it all away from me? And why can't I judge what I am doing, and see it the way the audience sees it? How come there are times that I think my vocal tone and my guitar playing are spot on, but I get all the favorable comments about the song I felt was a throw away?
Performing is just such an odd experience....
"It's like a warning to me...... Stay still, Shakey, and you'll turn to rust and dust....... So I keep on moving" -Neil Young
Hi Karen-
ReplyDeleteI'm Steve Dahl from Rustedguitars. I have had similar experiences. One thing to keep in mind is that if you are playing miked through a PA or amp you will not hear the same music the audience hears (assuming it's not state of the art pro set up) That and stage fright will skew our experience of the performance. I guess that's what makes doing even a tired cover like Hey Hey My My art.
I am looking at buying the Bose L1 system for my first paid gig coming this August. It is new technology and I have tried it at GC and it sounds like your inside the musical "sweet spot" along with anyone within 20 yards.
Good luck in your journey and keep on rockin'
rustedstevie (on youtube)
Hi Steve! Thanks for your comments...that Bose system sounds really cool...let me know how it works out for you!
ReplyDeletei just wanted you to know that i am marilyn/neesah/scattered, not karen....though i do understand why you thought you were talking to karen when you came...i think i corrected that now!!! Karen is my friend, and i just linked her comments on making music to my blog....
Hi Marilyn,
ReplyDeleteJust starting to go through your blog to read about your performing experiences.
This one matches how I felt a couple of weeks ago. I made the mistake of standing, which I never do, and started missing chords, then lyrics. I managed to do my other two, but I was sweating bullets, and like you, not connecting.
Keepin' at it, and back to sitting down, because that's where I'm really most comfortable.