Two days after Christmas. It has been a quiet holiday for me. Since my mom passed, my sisters and I do not gather any longer. I do have bunches of 'orphan' friends, and we talk every year about maybe having a dinner together, but it doesn't happen, usually because one or more of us have OBLIGATIONS. I am not sure if people feel better or worse after they tend to their OBLIGATIONS. I suppose it matters how the obligation goes....
I notice that I do not have many folks around me who are traditional.... Traditional being people with extended families who gather on holidays, eat together, socialize, pass out gifts and go home. Most of my peers are folks who struggle with the way it is SUPPOSED to be, that Hallmark card dream. I also don't know many people who 'live the tradition', who are happy with it either.... many seem to be uncomfortable, and most certainly don't talk of looking forward to a good time at the gathering!! BUT- the thought that those of us who live alternative lifestyles are somehow missing out on something, we are to be pitied somehow, is a pervasive one.
I think that it comes down to expectations. Expectations of how a certain holiday is supposed to play out. Ideas regarding what a successful life contains. Thoughts regarding our worth as humans compared to other humans.
I am happy to be a Creative Person who doesn't fit into the Standard Ideas for a Successful American Life. I am pretty committed to finding my own way through life, although every once in a while I look around and wonder if this is really my chosen direction or a reflection of some inner lacking that I live alone. Then I remember, and then I know. And I don't have to apologize or explain. I LIKE being my own person. I LIKE what that brings me in the way of travel, friendships, musical opportunities, creative pursuits.
I very much look forward to a Happy New Year and much music to create....
